Post limit/ramble blog
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I’ve done so much crying in the past two weeks that my own body is tired of it now. 

Honestly I should have stayed in the habit of shutting up whenever I want say something I really wanna say

I don’t even deserve to laugh or smile or be happy. 

I don’t know if I’m depressed because my sleep schedule is messed up or the other way around. 

I’m not looking forward to the next two days at all but I’ll send her my support and give her a big proud hug when she’s done

I remember while we were walking, the 8 year old I’m babysitting started crying and trying to go as slow as she could because I told her we had to make her bed when we got home. My patience was starting to run thin but then she said

"I can’t control this, all my bad feelings just come out of nowhere and make my stomach hurt and it makes me wanna cry"

She calmed down eventually, but I was kinda jealous of an 8 year old for being able to put something I couldn’t with my bigger vocabulary into words. 

I don’t know why I’m in such a constant state of worry. 

I guess spending a good deal of your life worrying that your dad will end up dead before his time just like your uncles and worrying about what you can do to protect yourself will do that to you.

I really am a big dumb puppy.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself. 

I have to admit, it does sting a little. Even though she means well, my mom is breaking all her promises to spend time together just like our dad used to. I’m sure she’ll stop, but it still hurts. 

On top of that I’m not talking to everyone as often so it makes me feel lonelier. I dunno.